I've nobody to talk to but need to vent so this thread exists.
well I did have people to talk to. I told them about my self-harm and they informed the authorities. so I don't like them anymore, nor trust them anymore.
actually kinda sucks how quickly ""friendships"" vaporize when trust is violated.
that's not all. when I suggested snitching on one of them as revenge, they all banded together against me. they called me an asshole. for reporting me to authorities they work together. but when I wanna report one of them, they work together against me.
that hypocrisy and double standard really hurt me. I don't think they're my friends. I don't have any friends.
but all that is really only a symptom. the real problem is that nothing interests me. I think I might be depressed. I've no motivation to do anything. other than working with stocks. that's how I get money that's what interests me.
but I can't do that all day. boredom drives me insane. I can't bother with other commitments, I find it hard to pay attention in conversations. I don't like meeting people. my house is a mess. nobody visits me and I don't mind the mess. FUCK.
television is boring, videogames are boring. I'm seeing a doctor and have meds. I doubt they're doing anything. this couldn't possibly be any worse.
I lost a friend to spamming their inbox. might have been the worst mistake I've made. I've nobody I can be honest with anymore.
honesty leads to bad things happening.
I had a close "friend" that threatened to rat me off once. They had stolen from me in the past, lied to me over and over. Sometimes I just get so tired of being mistreated that I think I'm probably better off alone.
god I hate people so much I never should've gotten involved with them.
hmm what made you give them a second chance?
I tried searching for another place to vent. I don't wanna go back. I don't wanna go back. I don't wanna go back.
everything is fucked. they're gonna continue conspiring against me. I'll have nothing to do. I'll slip back into old patterns. it's a trap. I'd be rather be trapped on my own terms.
there's no point. things would never have been any good. they can't be any good.
Is it illegal to harm yourself, like what the fuck?
They need you around generating taxable income.
Op has spiraling depression, and probably schizophrenia. It's a self feeding loop, but ttey need help.
Pedos though get the lead.
I hope OP is feeling better.
>>7
it's not illegal but it invites a lot of ""help"" (it doesn't actually help)
>>10
thanks for asking I'm not feeling better at all. I haven't felt better in the past 13 years so no surprises there.
today's spam:
so I'm part of a group of three friends. let's call them Bob and Joe. Bob was out of town last week, so Joe said he didn't wanna hangout. this week I'm out of town, but Bob and Joe are hangout. wtf. I swear they're closer friends than I am, I'm hurt by this.
also idk how to talk to people. so people get favours off me but they don't even bother with small talk. they text me saying "yo help me with this" and I reply. and that's the whole conversation. I mean I don't like small talk, but I wish I did, so that their exploitation of me could have some semblance of friendship.
basically I feel like nobody likes me, and they just use me for shit. nobody likes spending time me, I mean. they sure do like asking favors of me. if I pull the plug on them I'll lose even that minor human interaction.
I don't wanna completely alone. but those people aren't friends to me.
>>9
I don't have schizophrenia. sometimes the best explanation is a conspiracy. but right now I think nobody could care less about me, so why would they bother conspiring
another friend stopped talking to me after I spammed their inbox (just like this thread). now they're posting all this stuff about them enjoying life. and I'm not part of that.
to be fair I don't care what they do. I'm only upset nothing makes me happy. why can't I be happy like them. I've never been happy. there's no point to anything without happiness.
god I'm a loser.
thinking about dying soothes me. dying in a public spectacle. so everyone who hates me (which is everyone) knows I got what I deserved.
I wish I had the courage to step in front of an oncoming train. I've too many failed suicide attempts. a very expensive and painful medical experience is all trying to die has lead to.
I'm cursed to spend life alone in this apartment
I urge you to find peace in Jesus before it's too late.
Spamming an inbox isn't like, that big a deal. It's a minor trifle. If that's what you're worth to them: two bees in a bucket, mother mother fuck it. Wouldn't you want them to enjoy life? I'm enjoying mine. Enjoy yours. Count your blessings and just absolutely wallow in them.
>>17
exactly it's not. must've been something else. or maybe we were never friends. hmph.
sure, I want them enjoy life. I want everyone to enjoy life.
but I don't how to enjoy life. nothing makes me happy. nothing interests me. I can't care about anything. except money. money interests me enough that I bother with it. other than that I spend all day going in circles.
I'm fat, and miserable about it. but not miserable enough to workout or eat healthy. I'd rather plan suicide than take care of myself. I don't see the point of caring for myself.
I used to care about myself. I did bodybuilding had abs and everything, ate healthy, worked hard. I was studying in Cambridge. but doing the "good" and "right" things didn't make me happy. all that perfection ended with suicide.
so now I've degenerated into not caring about anything. I'm equally miserable. but this lifestyle is more honest. I'm not hiding my inner misery with outward perfectionism. my life is in harmony with my mental state. there's something satisfying about that. I'm not lying to anyone (including myself) about how I feel.
>>16
everytime I'm at church I pray to die. god hasn't killed me yet. God's useless
Keep coming back.
>>18
Same but replacd "miserable" with "happy".
one of my ex-friends plays football (the one who stopped talking after email spam). the football club sent an email about today's matches. they're playing today. I don't know if I should go watch.
I don't really care about football. and I'd have no business being there. I'm not welcome in that space. I'd be a loser being there just for them. I feel like going would make me a stalker.
all I'd see there is that they've moved on and they're happy. which would depress me. and I can't risk self-harming lest someone sees. seeing them would bring complicated emotions. anger, sadness, guilt, fear. I don't know if feeling all that is a good idea.
Anon is here for you.
One front in front of the other. Love what God has given you. brush yo teef!
I didn't go. I feel asleep. I don't know if I would've gone otherwise. it would've been painful, but I'm a masochist.
I think they're avoiding me. I never run into them. in that case I wouldn't wanna make them uncomfortable by being there. can't handle the guilt of making someone's life difficult.
also one of my friends announced they're dating. so now all my friends are dating. I just wish I had a friend I could talk to without fear of repercussions. someone who liked spending time with me.
though to be fair I don't even like spending time with me, how could anyone else.
thanks Anons for talking to me. I'm moving to mastodon. goodbye and thank you!
Good riddance!
Dumped for Mastodon of all thing, this one really hurts.
>>25
Hey, wait, what's your Fedi ID!
...
...
Shit.
>>29-30
Cute pfp!
there's too much anxiety on social media about losing followers over posting bullshit.
I'm literally retarded. you probably hate me for dumping you. not gonna lie I deserve it. if you don't wanna forgive me that's fine. if you don't wanna be friends anymore, that's understandable. but I regret the whole thing. I'm sorry.
I need a place where it's not personal. this is a place where it's not personal.
this is a familiar feeling. ending up with nothing after leaving somewhere good for something looks better (but then it turns out shit).
I've offended you. you won't forgive that. fine I'll be here a hated person. I'd rather be a hated person here than anywhere else.
there's literally nothing to fucking do. I keep getting emails about all these activities that my ex-friends would be interested in. but they don't interest me.
high altitude trekking. I wouldn't feel comfortable being among a bunch of strangers. or setting up a tent (I'd get it wrong). but one my friends has done that and they're gonna enjoy it and meet new people.
I think my fear of people has ruined everything. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. this thread is diary of a suicider.
I'm going to die. I'll buy power-tools to shread open arteries and die in a slow bloody mess. it's gonna be great.
also I've started self-harming again, but only punching myself so people don't see any visual complications. everywhere I go I see happy people. I'm not one of them.
>>32
Don't take it too seriously, I don't really care if you post on Mastodon or whatever.
>>30
404 already.
>>34
that's good to hear. I'd prefer posting here then if that's alright with you
>>35
yeah I deleted it, it's too stupid
We are glad you are here.
okay so today I did something. I wrote a program to pull data from the investment fund website, do some rudimentary analysis, and spit out stuff worth investing in.
it's stopped gapped janky code but it works... I think. I checked some random data points it seems to parse the data properly.
the main challenge was converting raw downloaded data into something that can be analysed. here there's a shortcoming: I haven't yet bothered to figure out how to parse day-by-day data and went with yearly summaries.
anyway, what does one do with yearly summaries? I did least-squares exponential curve.
god now that I think about it, it's kinda basic. it's a page of code. I'm a math student so the coding is extra. but I'm not even good at math. this was useful but it's not cool.
but anyway that's what I did today
wtf I just did the analysis with 2020 data and my ranking gave crappier returns than just investing in the highest historical returns
I thought extrapolating from multiple data points and emphasizing the recent past over the distant past would give better returns.
2020 was a shitty time for the market but still I'm disappointed. this sucks whatta waste of time
>>38,39
You are cool.
But you take the wrong subject for your efforts. Investment market's behavior is far more complex than just a simple analytical curve with a bunch of least-squarable parameters, and even if it were then people who found it first would swim in gold, and the market would soon change its behavior.
And yes, these 3 years have changed everything dramatically (mostly destroyed) and I don't think findings for year<2020 are now applicable.
You did more today than I did this month.
>>40
yeah it's more complicated. presumably it involves reading the news and balance sheets and gossiping with hedge fund people, and even then the market is always unpredictable.
that said, most investors aim for exponential growth. so measuring how much exponential growth they've achieved is worth something. more importantly, I want exponential growth, so I'm taking my business to whoever has been (and so might continue) doing that.
idk I was getting 15-20% growth year-on-year with the stupidest analysis. so this is a step up, which works for me. I did this with 2007–2017 data, I would've had 15.2% growth in 2017-18 instead of 13.6%, while the SNP500 and 100 dipped.
might try 2008–2018 data later. coronavirus market is full of shit
>>41
I'm with you, yesterday was an exception for me, I mostly literally do nothing
ok I did the 2008-18 data. -14.5% from new method vs -8.8% from the old.
so overall old method wins. new method basically gave more importance to the recent past. that's proving bad. long-term past wins.
well this was a fun project, learned a bit about programming. no harm done
I ran into one of the people who stopped talking to me. they just waved hi like nothing had happened. I didn't wanna wave back but freaked out and did it.
I regret waving back. they don't get to pretend everything is fine. yeah this sucks. they won. fuck I hate myself for letting them win.
"don't beat yourself up over it" *proceeds to literally beat himself up over it*
yeah I would've cut myself if that didn't cause such a fuss.
ideally a hammer would help. I'm gonna go look for a hammer. blunt-force trauma = no visible injury = no fuss.
nobody fucking cares. they just don't want my blood on their floor
you're not gonna believe this. I found a fucking hammer. there's a construction site nearby but I didn't expect it would be so easy.
well I failed to break a bone. that's the second thing I hate myself for.
I feel like if I had endured more suffering as a child, I would be more resilient today.
I know people who have broken bones and stuff, they seem resilient.
but nah my childhood made me a fucking coward. I don't want the courage to face life. I want the courage to die.
childhood suffering would've prepared me for both. but as things stand, I'm fucking worthless in every way.
the walk of shame returning the hammer, having dealt no serious damage. too worthless to not freak out over someone saying hi, too worthless to break a bone.
well I'm back to doing what I was doing before the "hi" incident. loitering all over the place. walking in circles. writing here.
this is my life until May 6th.
after that I'll loiter alone in my apartment. probably try to kill myself. but fail. I'm cursed to fail. I'm cursed to suffer. it's fine I can afford the hospital.
I hope I don't fail. I hope God shows me some fucking mercy. even if I die by accident. just make this end I can't do this
I hate seeing my reflection and seeing what I've become. I was thinking of going back to the hammer.
but then an important question occurred to me. "are you gonna do anything or is this another waste of time?"
I know standing here I won't be able to break a bone. I feel trapped. there's no exiting this, ever. it doesn't end. I have to live with this.
I think the pain of breaking a bone would distract me. it used to be the trickle of blood that distracted me. there's something mesmerising about watching blood leak.
too bad we live in a bullshit society that punishes people for cutting themselves.
I wanna cry, or feel sadness. but I feel nothing. feeling nothing is painful. that sounds stupid idk how to explain it.
it's like I wanna rip out my skin, or lose a friend, or be treated badly. or otherwise cause pain or sadness. I don't wanna feel nothing. feeling nothing is unbearable.
I can't talk to anyone about this. they'll put me in the looney ward.
speaking of looney ward. I've been in a psychiatric hospital. for two months. I chose to go, it wasn't involuntary. I punched myself there, that was real pain. couldn't achieve that with the hammer today. I've become a coward.
Did you just randomly come across a construction site and decided to "borrow" a hammer?
Hammers are expensive nobody leaves them around
>>52
Hammer Spam Time - Paladin from Diablo2.
>>51
I didn't borrow it. it was there among some other tools, so I picked up, tucked it behind my shirt and left. also I didn't return it, instead hid it in the basement
I am trapped. telling my therapist anything is a waste of time, same with psychiatrist. telling anyone anything is a waste of time. nobody ever listens.
now I'm afraid of leaving the room and running into them again. I've nobody I can go to who won't complain to the authorities. except you guys but you don't seem to listen either.
tbf I don't know what "listening" means. I don't know what I want from you, or anyone else. spending time together? maybe. other than that, nothing interests me
well there's one thing. I wanna belong (to a group). but that's such an abstract thing I don't know to belong¹. presumably belonging involves bonding over common interests. I have no interests
¹maybe there's something wrong with me, and I can't get the feeling of belonging no matter what I do
>>54
Reported you to local authorities.
>>55
I'm listening but I don't know what to say. I wouldn't have anything to say if we met IRL either but somehow it makes matters much less complicated... when you start talking. Every meeting IRL starts with a cringe silence.
>>57
yeah, I don't know what I wanna hear either. there's nothing to say
ugh meeting IRL would be worse. everyone I've talked to, I've put off. there's something fundamentally wrong with me, making me boring, hideous and utterly uninteresting to interact with. probably has to do with me finding nothing interesting and not caring about anything
so I don't think meeting IRL would make anything less complicated, even if we started talking
it's an unending cycle. I'm destined to suffer alone. depressed people don't make fun company
>>58
They say that people are born and die alone. It think people suffer from depression alone as well.
It takes balls to steal a hammer from a construction site.
Reminds me of that French poet that stole dynamite from a construction site to blow the Eiffel tower up because it was shining into his room at night but on the way stopped at a cafe, got drunk, told everyone his plan and ended up in the insane asylum.
>>59
yeah they're born and die alone. but looking around it's plain to see people find company somewhere in between being born and dying. most people have company with them.
I think depressed people end up alone if they're totally worthless. or at least I ended up alone because I'm totally worthless and stopped caring. I watched After Life. depressed people can be fun and worthwhile company. my problem isn't depression it's being me.
>>60
there was hardly anyone there and it was relatively dark. didn't take much courage
>>61
wow guess that guy celebrated too early having stolen the explosives. couldn't he just put curtains on the window? maybe that's why he went to insane asylum. but dude I'm nothing like that. stealing from a construction site is all we have in common.
I really wish I could care about things. something, anything. I kinda care about money, that's about it.
or care about myself and my well-being. or some hobby. anything. it drives me insane that there's so much to do, but I just don't care about any of it.
things would be better if I caught some lethal illness or died in an accident. there's nothing to life for anyway. I've lost all hope and trust. there's no way things can get better.
I can't imagine myself being happy. happy with what? can't imagine having things that make me happy. what could those things even be. also can't imagine having friends. what would I do with them? how would I feel in their company?
all those things are so alien, they can't happen to me. I got no business being alive. what am I even doing
there was hardly anyone there and it was relatively dark. didn't take much courage
There were cameras over there, and you've confessed to the crime in internet with (I suppose) your own IP which is stored in this site's logs and your ISP's logging facilities.
I fart a lot.
>>64
anyway I do nothing all day. I'll do nothing in prison too. maybe I'll have a sex life too (receiving). maybe I'll get aids there and die. I don't care, I've nothing worthwhile do be doing outside prison
I don't think I've depression. antidepressants aren't helping. starting to think it's C-PTSD. not that it matters. I'm fucked beyond all hope either way.
the smallest things trigger me. anything that reminds me other people have things they enjoy, things that make them happy. nothing makes me happy. I try avoid the world and focus on random CS/math problems. but that leads to feeling nothing instead of feeling sadness.
everyone who's as screwed as me is probably already dead. how could someone so disgusting live with themselves for so long.
having a friend would probably help. someone to spend time with. too bad I'm not fun company.
Do you stretch regularly?
>>67
Dying is even harder in this condition.
>>68
no, I don't
>>69
why would that be?
NOOOOO NOT COREY MY SWEET ANGEL IM LITERALLY SCREAMING AND SHITTING NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
Please come back and bless us with your presence my sweet angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
Please come back and bless us with your presence my sweet angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
I'm in tears, my sweet angle has passed away.
Heaven gained another angle.
I miss you so much Corey, you beautiful soul.
I'm crying.
I'm shitting on the floor and I'm shaking.
I am shaking and crying over the loss of my beautiful angle.
Please come back and bless us with your presence my sweet angle.
dicks out for harambe
What happened to this thread?
its better than ever.
>>77
I'm OP, and no it isn't, it's fkn shit
I know what happened, it was my fault. I shared the link to this with someone
>>70
Such a condition is also characterized by the lack of determination.
>>78
If your friends are like this, they are probably doing you a favour by ignoring you.
>>67,69,70,79
I watched a lecture on depression once where the lecturer said that suicides are most likely to occur when the patient starts recovering from depression. At that point they are still overwhelmed by their situation but are no longer paralysed by depression.
depression isn't real. being so called "depressed" is the natural state of life. joy is the exception and can only be achieved at the expense of others
That's egregeously fatalistic.
OP, how are you?
Is anyone here up for a chat?
Is anyone here up for a chat?
>>84-85
Too bad the chat feature has not been implemented. https://textboard.org/sol/372/6
I hope OP is doing better.
>>79
tbf there's one thing I'm relatively determined to do: random CS/math problems.
but deep down I don't think I wanna die. sure, harming and punishing myself feels good, but it's not suicidal. there have been times I've wanted to die, but recently it's been more self-harm than suicide
>>80
I shared it with an asshole asking him to bully me. he did that instead. I don't think my ""friends"" would care to post anything if I shared this place. I don't think I've any friends. they ask me for help with work, that's about it.
yeah I've read some antidepressants increase suicide risk, probably the same reason. but I don't think I've depression, I'm fairly motivated to write random programs. extremely limited set of interests, but not zero interests
>>83
yesterday someone came to me for help with math. I spent some time helping them. that's the closest thing to hanging out with someone that's happened in a while, I feel pretty good.
also I'm trying to analyse a metric fuck-ton of
of data. we're talking hundreds of megabytes of .csv files. the biggest issue has been my shitty computer crashing.
81
call it what you will, but my level of joy is well below average
okay so it's ending. I've booked the flight tickets for Wednesday. I've an exam tomorrow but I don't care about it.
I'm sad this is ending. even though I hated it. being alone in an apartment for 3 months will be worse, much worse. I'm scared of going insane, I'm scared of what I might end up doing in all that time.
it's nicer here. things happened that mostly made me sad, but at least things happened. I felt emotion (mostly sadness). imagine nothing happening for 3 months. I'm not gonna make it. guys I'm not gonna make it.
this time last year, I watched the Chris Chan documentaries, made an Instagram account, watched Netflix, sent emails to the entire year-group, played videogames, wrote a suicide letter, talked to my therapist. those things don't interest me anymore.
I've mostly stopped watching YouTube now. I've stopped doing everything. guys what am I gonna do. holy shit what am I gonna do AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Where are you gonna fly?
>>88
I'm sorry but bullying is not allowed here.
>>92
to my apartment? I'm not giving the address mate
>>93
ah that's a shame. I would really like to get bullied
I'm already going insane. I think yesterday's social interaction made things worse. it gave me happy moments, contrasted against which my usual life seems much worse.
I want yesterday to happen again. meeting someone, having a fun time, laughing. talking about each other's lives. being able to express oneself. and I want someone I can reach out to regularly for this purpose.
I asked yesterday's person if they'd like to meet again, and they responded "Yaaas"... so I don't think another meeting is happening until they need help with something else.
fair enough, I guess they didn't enjoy spending time with me. to them it was about getting help with stuff. which was the deal.
they said they owe me a favor, I'd like that favor to be hanging out. that's wierd though. they shouldn't be doing me a favor by hanging out with me. that's literally wrong. they should be hanging out with me because they enjoy it too. there's no escape.
fuck maybe I enjoyed it, but they were just putting up with me so they could get help with stuff. maybe they hated the whole thing. maybe I was the lame creepy loser making dumb small talk they had to tolerate. maybe they were wishing I would just shut up and help them. maybe they were fake laughing at my useless jokes. there's no way anyone could enjoy my company. maybe I should've just shut up and helped them.
they
they
them
My English is dead.
my only shot at life. I fucked it up. I don't know how to get out of this. I don't wanna die here. I'm gonna die here.
I should've never been born.
I wish I could go back and murder the people who ruined me. instead of stopping the abuse I internalised it. I got very close to pushing them down the stairs once. I didn't do it. instead went to the toilet and cried
always a useless sissy. I deserved what they did to me. I didn't deserve to live.
also today I cried, which means things are getting worse
roommate is bringing a girl over so he wanted me to leave. so I'm going to the basement to beat myself up.
I don't wanna be where the people can see me.
the hammer is gone from where I hid it
got tired of beating myself up. it's too depressing. entered a random empty classroom.
gonna be depressed here.
there was no saving the friendships I lost. it was my fault for ever thinking I could have friendships.
no matter how much people say they're your friend, no matter the utopian promises of being there, accepting you, and liking your company. no matter them making these promises for months on end. it doesn't mean a thing.
you can never feel safe with anyone.
never trust anyone no matter what they say. that's the conclusion. never trust anyone. nobody likes you, you're a ruined, useless human being. nobody will ever like you. if they say otherwise, they're mistaken.
this is my life. it's over. there's no hope. I don't trust hope anymore. I'll probably plot to kill myself over the next three months, when I'm back at my apartment.
I've got nothing to live for. I've enough money to live. but not enough will to live. I got no business being alive
>>97
Language changes, deal with it.
>>101
Misology contains its own punishment.
>>98
What did they do to you?
>>100
Positive social interactions and especially friendship requires a lot of work (and I mean it).
Sorry, I really don't have anything to say, especially at this moment when I'm sleepless due to this faggot: https://files.catbox.moe/ah56j0.jpg
>>104
That is a lot of work which pays off handsomely.
>>104
Where did you find that picture of me?
>>106
It's from your Facebook profile.
>>81
Narcissistic personality disorder types barely read books and sciences to learn your assessment is anti-biological.
Pertinent:
We start each session with thoughts of goodwill, reminding ourselves of why we’re here, and of the fact that the happiness we’re looking for here is harmless. That’s what goodwill is all about: May all beings find happiness in a harmless way. Of course that means we need to find our happiness in a way that doesn’t take anything away from anyone else. In other words, each of us has to find happiness within. That’s why we’re here meditating.
So the fact that you’re not paying attention to anyone else right now is actually a very responsible thing, because you’re pursuing a happiness that will make you less of a burden. Any happiness you try to gain otherwise is going to take something away from other people, other beings. Or if you go to the other wrong extreme of self-torture, trying to find some satisfaction out of that, you’re not going to find true happiness at all, so that’s not responsible, either. As we’ve seen many times, people go back and forth between these extremes. They can be very self-denying until finally they snap; then they head off in the other direction, getting very self-indulgent. When they see the harm of indulgence, they go back to being self-denying again, back and forth. Nothing gets accomplished this way. Both ways of looking for happiness are irresponsible. The responsible way is to come in and see what inner resources you have that can be developed into a genuine happiness within.
As the Buddha once said, your most important resource, the most important factor of the right path, is right view. In another passage he said that the most important factor is right concentration. So you need to emphasize both. Everything else draws on right view and serves right concentration. The right view here starts with what I just said: If you’re going to find true happiness, it has to come from within because the sources of suffering also come from within. We suffer mentally not because of unpleasant things happening to us, but from how we shape our experience of those unpleasant things—or of pleasant things, as the case may be.
Some of you need to read neuroscience.
I'm a fan of Iain McGilchrist's works, but it's seems short on prescription.
>>103
they treated me like shit. and it wasn't just them, everyone else also treated me like I was less than human. fundamentally unlikeable and unworthy of friendly treatment
my mistake was internalising that treatment. it drove me to hate myself, hide myself, and wear a fake (supposedly better) persona. that lead to a bit of toxic perfectionism (see >>18)
but then I gave up on the perfectionism, so I'm back to viewing myself a fundamentally flawed and bad and repulsive
>>104
yeah, I'm down for doing the work. but I've nothing to offer to a friendship :(
>>112
Your mistake was believing them. You are perfect (well, not more perfect than me) and unselfish, you write programs for the Universe and for the life itself. But those faggots ruin everything!
>>14
I think getting treated like shit and then believing I'm shit has actually turned me into shit.
also I ran into that person I'm no longer friends with. nothing sinks the heart faster than that. they own that space, I feel threatened and unsafe around them. should I go and talk to them?
actually I have some stuff of theirs, I'm gonna go return it.
>>115
An idea: go return it and ask them to go somewhere/play smth/what you did when you were friends.
oh fuck I messed up. I was going to where I last I saw them. but then I ran into them on the way. you know what I'm just gonna put their stuff in the bin. I don't need this reminder of them and they don't seem to care enough to want it back so whatever
>>116
I'm sorry it's too much I can't. it's extremely intimidating seeing them
>>116
also I don't know if you know this, but they've not been responding to my emails (>>13,22,24,44), I don't think that suggestion is a good idea
>>113
Friendship is the Black Swan. You never know what an interaction results into until you actually do it. The only thing known for sure is—no actions result in no results.
>>120
yeah I get no opportunities to interact with people. if I had hobbies or interests and joined clubs that would help. but nothing interests me, and joining clubs just for human interaction is disingenuous
this is pretty much cursed beyond repair
https://hugelolcdn.com/i/826097.jpg
except there's no videogames either, just staring into the ceiling and walking in circles and eating and self-harming
Are there no programming/mathematics club around? Universities usually have them. Maybe you could even find a hackerspace nearby.
>>123
/prog/
>>123
there's no math club. there's a computer science thing, but honestly I'm no computer scientist. I write short programs to make life easier but that's about it. anyway, it's summer break now so nothing's happening
I'm considering sharing this with the year group. it links to this thread. https://ipfs.io/ipfs/QmVcbokLqrwQcEYiDKSmuJNfjqNPign4sBg5agSiG8RQoh?filename=wtf.pdf
should I?
I miss having summer breaks. I would shut myself in for months and do nothing but read programming books.
>>126
dude how do you do that? find things interesting enough that you have motivation to do them? other than dying nothing interests me that way
actually there's one thing other than dying. it's very lame. why am I so lame. I'm going to fail at that thing, and then dying will be the only option.
there's no way this ends with anything other than death. there's something wrong with me. maybe I can never be happy. I don't know if being sad is normal in these circumstances.
if the sadness is a healthy, normal response then maybe I'll find a way to change my circumstances and escape the sadness without dying.
but if it's an illness, if I'll be sad no matter what happens, then dying is how this ends. and all effort to change the circumstances is futile.
I know happiness is possible, I was happy as a child. but is my capacity for happiness ruined? there's only one way to know: keep trying to improve (or at least change) the circumstances, and hope for happiness
I can't exist in the same space as those who have stopped talking to me. with one of them I've made eye-contact multiple times and it's not scary anymore.
but with another it's literally piercing pain. even online, I keep deleting accounts after I see them in the suggested contacts list. like "fuck they're here, I can't be here, they don't like me, it's not safe"
maybe it's a matter of time. but this is a very tail-between-the-legs kinda existence
>>125
You should but anonymously.
>>125
I can't understand a single character in that file.
>>130
how do I send emails anonymously that won't go to spam folder?
>>132
Who sends e-mails in 2022?
Send to their Twitter/Discord/WhatsApp.
>>133
I do.
>>133
I don't have Twitter or Discord. WhatsApp isn't anonymous
And I don't have home now.
Anyone looking for a virtual relationship? 23 woman.
>>137
Why do you need that?
I search for her everywhere. partly because I'm afraid of her, partly because I wanna be back together again. I wish I could get over her. maybe I will over time. but right now this sucks. everything reminds me of her.
Emotions are stored in the muscles, try stretching it out.
>>140
Magic is stored in the butt.
I'm not gonna drill holes in myself this summer. that was the original plan. dying in a bloody spectacle. but that won't kill me and will make a mess.
I feel so extremely lost. what am I even doing with life? money isn't enough, not if you're a shitty broken human
there's no point. I don't care about anything, nothing motivates me, I'm lost on all fronts. there's no point of waking up and doing anything, much less waking up everyday for decades to come.
I was gonna send a riddle leading to this thread to the year group. but that's pointless. only a handful will bother to solve it, and they'll be put off by this
(also apparently you can't delete files from IPFS if another peer is hosting it)
I'm thinking of getting on a random train without phone and money, and ending up somewhere far away and dying there
>>140
you mean progressive muscle relaxation? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Progressive_muscle_relaxation
I did this for months it didn't help
>>142
Are you the OP? The guy I spoke with on WhatsApp?
>>143
No, although it is part of the puzzle. You should do it in poses where your muscles are lengthened. Focus on the muscle being lengthened, gently tense it for a few seconds, take a big breath and on the out-breath relax the tensed muscle and let your body go deeper into the stretch. This is a good one to practice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ca54fyiIq2I
>>138
I don't need it. I'd just like to find someone I can talk regularly with.
>>138
I don't need it. I'd just like to find someone I can talk with regularly.
>>146,147
You can talk to us, here.
I'd rather talk one on one.
That being said.. How are you doing?
>>139
Interpreted this as a metaphorical "she" I'd written in a story recently. Just about died laughing. lol. If you're a human though best of luck mate.
>>144
I'm the OP, and yeah I guess
>>150
who are you asking lmao there's too many people here
>>145
ok I tried this just now I feel better, not sure if it's placebo though
will try when I'm feeling like shit and let you know how it goes, thanks for the suggestion
>>154
and this is the moment when the thread has become interesting.
alright, new set of problems, doesn't link to this thread anymore but gives the thread number
https://ipfs.io/ipfs/QmXfe2TLmoD7AkLvGY5ED2jq8xnwgjSbtLm8YVnFJTP6Xy?filename=wtf.pdf
ipfs sucks, try https://a.uguu.se/GLMVVGx.pdf
an old friend reached out today. five years ago they didn't reply to a depressing email of mine. in that email I told them I was either gonna win the lottery or I was gonna die.
in a twist of fate I've done both. I'm not dead yet and failed to kill myself over the last five years. but I'm going to die soon, hopefully. I've been saying this for a long time but every year I've lost reasons to live and love. the only thing I've gained is money which is basically worthless.
after some apologies for not replying sooner their emails says
Where in the world are you now? Are you happy? What have you been up to?
Please reply so I know you're alive.
I wanna pretend that I'm dead now. I will be soon it'll just be easier to not respond. that's the more appropriate way to go.
if I start the conversation I'll find they're doing very well and they're happy and successful. and I'm a piece of shit. I've quite enough of that in my life as it is.
"but Anon you keep complaining about not having friends, now you're gonna ignore someone reaching out?"
okay first of all they're replying after 5 fucking years. I should be replying after 3 years at least.
second idk their motives. why would they reply after five years. I'm going to assume they feel bad about themselves and wanna check on an absolute failure to feel better.
yeah fuck that too dangerous. will reconsider replying in 2025.
>>158
What's it like to have people who cares about you? Must be a nice feeling.
>>159
I wouldn't know, nobody cares about me. if they contact me, it means they must want something or seek schadenfreude. or they mistakenly percieve me as a worthwhile person, in which case they will eventually realise I'm not worth their time and stop talking
>>160
You have hella cognitive distortions, broseph of arimethea
1. Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with an impure mind a person speaks or acts suffering follows him like the wheel that follows the foot of the ox.
2. Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with a pure mind a person speaks or acts happiness follows him like his never-departing shadow.
3. "He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me." Those who harbor such thoughts do not still their hatred.
4. "He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me." Those who do not harbor such thoughts still their hatred.
5. Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. This is a law eternal.
6. There are those who do not realize that one day we all must die. But those who do realize this settle their quarrels.
7. Just as a storm throws down a weak tree, so does Mara overpower the man who lives for the pursuit of pleasures, who is uncontrolled in his senses, immoderate in eating, indolent, and dissipated.
8. Just as a storm cannot prevail against a rocky mountain, so Mara can never overpower the man who lives meditating on the impurities, who is controlled in his senses, moderate in eating, and filled with faith and earnest effort.
You would be surprised. I once met an old friend and he complained that we can so rarely meet because both of us are always so busy and was genuinely surprised when I admitted that I never have anything to do and spend all my time being lonely at home.
>>161
no, cognitive distortions cause people to perceive reality inaccurately. my assessment isn't an inaccurate perception of reality. it's based on experience.
>>163
who is Mara? filled with faith in what? I've tried self-control and moderation it didn't help. the perfectionism days are over. honestly I don't think there's any hope, I can't be helped
>>164
wait so what is surprising? all my friends know I'm perpetually bored and lonely. they just have more interesting things to do, which is fair I'm not interesting
Always being right
In this cognitive distortion, being wrong is unthinkable. This distortion is characterized by actively trying to prove one's actions or thoughts to be correct, and sometimes prioritizing self-interest over the feelings of another person. In this cognitive distortion, the facts that oneself has about their surroundings are always right while other people's opinions and perspectives are wrongly seen.
fuck I'm scared other humans completely. I was at my uncle's house today and there was a kid there. 6 year old kid. I freaked out. what if the kid sees me and says something mean???
ultimately I went to get some water and the kid came up to me. so I said hi and the kid said hi and we did some small talk. but I was very scared the whole time.
it was only a matter of time before they see all the bad things about me. like the scars on my arm or my depression or whatever else. and I didn't wanna damage them with my badness. I don't wanna damage anyone
>>166
I can think of being wrong. I'm always ready to change my mind if circunstances propose to do so. but my thoughts are based on my experience. I post things which I see with my eyes.
>>168
ITT: denial
Spurm
>>165
Mara is the veil that shrouds all manifested phenomena in mirage.
>is Mara an illusion? Sometimes it seems so darned immediate
Its immediacy is part of the illusion. It perplexes me.
>>169
denial of what? reality? or my senses? do you want to say that I hallucinate?
𓀐𓂸
>>174
Denial that you have pervasive cognitive distortions that reinforce negative self-appraisals that have only a tenuous relation towards reality.
You have a left-hemispheric cognitive deficit leading to an accurate perception of reality (i.e. an absence of external delusion), but inaccurate self-concepts (which happens to include the modeling of others).
tenuous relation towards reality
you don't know my reality, you can't know if my thoughts are inaccurate
my modeling of others and myself is based on how people have treated me and continue to treat me
How people treat you is most probably a reflection of their own deficiencies.
Don't let them get you down. When they're awful, it's more them than you. When they raise up their hearts against you, endure as Christ endured. Eat your shit with me.
>>178,179
everyone treats me badly. so either everyone else is deficient, or I'm deficient. I think the latter makes more sense. other people treat each other well, so I'm the problem
Everyone treats me badly too.
Nobody treats me in any way because I live the life of a hermit.
>>177
wrong
>>181
yay welcome to the club
>>182
I wish I could be happy alone. any idea how to achieve this? perhaps having interests would help
>>183
no u wrong
my mom shot down the idea of emailing the year group. now I'm trapped. that was one way out I could think of, now there's no way out
this sucks I'm gonna go insane.
my mom is also against me killing myself. that fair enough it's expected
so basically she expects me to live in misery without bothering anyone
her suggestions for escaping include taking care of myself and stuff. so basically returning to perfectionism. tried that for years, it didn't help I wasn't happy there
there's no hope it's over
>>184
Meditate more. See
>>109
And go read some dhamma on dhammatalks.org.
I used to hate myself but after extended periods of solitude I realized that what I really hated was the image I thought others had of me.
my mom shot down the idea of emailing the year group.
Because that was a dumb idea in the first place. With this e-mail you are effectively asking for help, and veiling it in some form of a math. riddle is basically childish if not creepy. If you need help then tell about it directly.
I wish I could be happy alone. any idea how to achieve this? perhaps having interests would help
My dear, but you do have interests: >>38.
I am also a recluse.
>>190
I'm also a recluse, but a stay-at-home dad recluse.
I'm also dual class hermit/recluse.
I quit doing yerba mate for amoeba mate and got the goldang rickets
I've just realized that I can't play chess.
>>186
alright, I'll meditate for 5 minutes everyday. though I tried today it didn't help. and I'm reading The Buddha's Teachings. I don't think deathless happiness will happen to me
>>187
yeah I myself because I'm utterly unlikeable. that's other people's image. but how does that make difference?
>>188
you should've told me that earlier. anyway the point wasn't asking for help, it was finding someone who accepts, or at least tolerates, my horribleness
>>189
dude I can't do that all day. that's a once-per-week task at best. I don't have enough interests to keep me occupied the whole day everyday
Oh dear do you actually care what other people thing? You realize that the vast majority of them have never read SICP?
>>196
Who cares about the obsolete SICP book when we now have JSICP (SICP JavaScript Edition)?
>>196,197
I only care what others think because nothing interests me. if I had a passion then I'd do that without a care in the world
it was finding someone who accepts, or at least tolerates, my horribleness
We here tolerate you (well, I do at least). But honestly I don't know how to react.
okay maybe this is a disabled idea. lemme know if it is. how about sending a problem whose solution leads to a pastebin with the following message:
welcome, post anything you like here! thread expires in one month
icebreaker: what change would you like in the world?
me: direct democracy and conformity to The Open Definition for everything
(the pastebin supports replies)
What do you want to achieve with that?
>>197
SICP isn't about Scheme. The purpose of SICP is to teach the fact that we can incant some magic that conjures the spirits that live in our computers. Scheme is one tool that's used to incant some magic. There is absolutely no reason why we can't use tools like Javascript or Python to be the language of magical spells.
Saying that computer science has a lot in common with magic is not an endorsement, it's criticism. As the book progresses, it piece-by-piece dispels the magic and reveals the trick behind it all.
>>201
waste time. I wanna see who bothers to solve the question. where it leads to doesn't really matter
Do you enjoy constructing puzzles? Maybe you could post here some, I'll give them a try but I'll let you know that I've never been a very fast problem solver.
>>203
The magical spells that is referenced within SICP is directly referring to computer programs. The spirits that live within the computer is the magical entity that is conjured and controlled by the magic spells.
How are you doing OP? Are you still with us?
>>205
no not really I don't. there's one where a ball bounces around in a square (like the DVD logo). you get the initial location and direction of movement, and then have to find what distance the ball moves in reaching a given location
>>207
so I posted the puzzle. it's been 12 hours, two people asked for clarification and nobody's solved it. about what I expected. fun experiment, not repeating it. idk how else to make new friends.
other than that, yesterday I got tired of hating my body so I decided to start eating healthier. I ate healthy today. idk how long this motivation will last
still nothing interests me. the last thing to pique my interest was Fedora 36. I upgraded to it. not impressed by the new wallpapers. overall it was cool for 15 minutes then meh
I'm bored, but life is currently less miserable than usual. I'm not sure why. kinda suprising I found motivation to start caring about my body too. something's happening
Must be an effect of that stretch you did the other day.
Perique is your friend.
>>208
Send it to more people. Especially mathematicians.
And yes, stretching and healthy eating are nice habits.
According to Musk, he is currently using toilet paper to clean his ass after pooping. Which allows him to clean his ass without getting his hands dirty but also get a clean ass when needed. Musk says that he uses the toilet paper on the left hand, while he typically holds his phone in his right hand. When Musk’s toilet paper isnt cleaning his ass, he likes to use his phone to shit post over twitter. Musk is also fluid when it comes to type of toilet paper, switching between regluar and wet wipes depending on if he has shit stains on his ass or not.
I wanna create something on the computer. program something. or write a program to solve a problem. specifically I wanna create my own textboard, it'll work slightly differently to SchemeBBS. but I've literally zero idea how to go about doing that.
I'm a math student and know basic python which I use for mostly solving math problems. I also know HTML from school. anyway, learning a language isn't the issue, languages can be learned. also I looked at https://landchad.net/, and I guess getting a HTML page running is doable
but how do I make a textboard/forum?
If you want to use Python, Flask is an easy library to write dynamic websites: https://palletsprojects.com/p/flask/
You will first want to look up how HTTP works. Then you can think about how you want your textboard to work. The main difference to static websites is that user interaction will change the content of the pages. There are multiple valid ways to do this, I'll let you figure it out yourself.
>>214
hey thanks for the suggestion but I've realised I've no idea what's what with this. I should probably do a generic programming course before thinking of developing anything
I think I chose the wrong major. I like logical thinking and problem solving. math has that but so does computer science.
math just feels too disconnected to reality. like who cares about the Arzela-Ascoli theorem. it's a fact about sets of equicontinuous functions being relatively compact. who cares about those properties and their connection. it all feels so pointless. no practical value
programming, however, actually useful. if nothing else I can contribute to the open-source software I use. I can make stuff for people. I can administrate systems. useful stuff
If you want to use Python, Flask is an easy library to write dynamic websites: https://palletsprojects.com/p/flask/
Please, no inferior snake language. Use LISP.
>>213
You could try to make SchemeBBS more portable by porting it to Guile Scheme, Common Lisp, or even Emacs Lisp (Emacs is so bloated that it can be used as a web application platform!).
>>215
You don't understand math if you can't envisage why various fields are used to describe real world observations. Math is the language to describe our observable universe and also, math is a language to describe abstract logical ideas that don't necessary have any real world applications.
programming, however, actually useful.
Damn I wish that was actually true.
implying textual communication through computers are useless
Who are you quoting?
I would go like this:
1. Make a website that just replies "Hello World"
2. Make a website that just serves static pages
3. Make a website that is just a single form and when you submit it, it just echos the raw stuff back
4. Make a website that actually does something with the stuff from the form
5. Make a website that is a guestbook
6. Make a website that is multiple guestbooks
7. Make a website that is multiple guestbooks and anyone can add new guestbooks
Then you just rename guestbooks to threads and you have a textboard.
I think for your background Haskell would fit better.
You’re eating too much
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31381410
>>216,223
correct me if I'm wrong, but all languages can program the same stuff right, it's just a difference of notation and syntax?
>>217
the only Scheme I know is from GNU TeXmacs, to say nothing of the other languages :(. I would have to learn both before porting
>>218
some fields of math are useful outside math, but once you get to high-level stuff it's seems like made up pointless stuff
>>222
idk how to do step 4. I'm following this tutorial https://medium.com/decentralize-today/decentralized-p2p-chat-in-100-lines-of-code-d6e496034cd4
I'll probably need some help adapting the chatsite into a textboard but that's for later
ah nevermind I don't wanna do this. joining Instagram would be much easier and achieves mostly the same thing. but I don't wanna do that either.
there's nothing to do
Someone needs to write The Little VIPPER to teach people how to write textboards using Scheme.
>>225
For step 4, you could some easy calculator for a physics problem or something, for example the user submits a form with speed and angle and your server responds with how far the projectile launched with those parameters will fly, something like that. The idea is just to see how to actually use the data the user has set.
>>228
okay I'd have to search that up. but unfortunately I've ceased to see the point of doing this. see >>226
I don't really see how joining Instagram would teach you programming a textboard.
>>230
Would anyone here like to be enslaved by me?
Eat me drink me
>>225
It has lost relevance but I need to close out the gestalt.
correct me if I'm wrong, but all languages can program the same stuff right, it's just a difference of notation and syntax?
And semantics and standard library. Some languages provide direct memory management while others are not, some languages have strict evaluation model, others have lazy one etc. Also all of them have significant differences in their standard libraries.
idk how to do step 4. I'm following this tutorial https://medium.com/decentralize-today/decentralized-p2p-chat-in-100-lines-of-code-d6e496034cd4
That tutorial is rather complex. The main idea is that an HTML page has a <form> with named inputs and when the user clicks "Submit" your server-side script receives those inputs in a request. For example:
<form>
<input type="number" name="cislo1"> + <input type="number" name="cislo2">
</form>Server script (Python CGI):
import cgi
form = cgi.FieldStorage()
cislo1 = int(form.getfirst("cislo1", 0)) # Python's CGI interface is... not the most convenient one.
cislo2 = int(form.getfirst("cislo2", 0))
result = cislo1 + cislo2
print("Content-type: text/html\n")
print("""<!DOCTYPE HTML>
<html>
<head><meta charset="utf-8"></head>
<body>Kwota""" + str(result) + """</body>
</html>""")>>230
it wouldn't. but Instagram is basically an image board. I could use that instead of reinventing the wheel
>>233
where does the Python CGI code go?
Fartssssssssssssssssssssss.
braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaapfft
>>234
You will need to set up a webserver with CGI for it: https://docs.python.org/3.8/library/cgi.html#installing-your-cgi-script-on-a-unix-system
You could use Python's own webserver for it. This uses the directories cgi-bin and htbin, see here: https://docs.python.org/3/library/http.server.html#http.server.CGIHTTPRequestHandler.cgi_directories
But to be honest I couldn't get the code in >>233 to work.
>>237
You need to put "index.html" into the current directory:
<!DOCTYPE HTML>
<html><head><meta charset="utf-8"></head><body>
<form action="/cgi-bin/a.py" method="post">
<input type="number" name="cislo1"> + <input type="number" name="cislo2">
<input type="submit" value="oblyczyc">
</form>
</body></html>and the script into "cgi-bin/a.py".
I would suggest you to use Pixelfed instead of Zukergram. You could setup your own instance if you would not like moderation policy of an existing one.
Note that "cgi-bin" should be located in the current directory despite the HTML contains an absolute path.
>>239
I would but my colleagues are not on Pixelfed. anyway I'm not joining Instagram, I tried last year it was a shitty experience
Try snapchat.
well, I'm sad again. there's nothing else to say. I listen to music and think about death. death isn't scary. there's nothing to live for. but dying is scary. especially permanent damage if the suicide fails
I already have permanent scars. but permanent functional injuries are worse. I went to the bank the other day, and a lady saw them and asked "is everything okay with you?". a kid I was playing with also saw them. I told them a cat scratched me.
I played with a cow today too. that was fun. cows are cool. there was a group of cows. and they all walked up to me. probably they were expecting food. I gave them pets.
I did the stretching it didn't really help. I'm gonna go insane
>>243
I've never touched a cow in my life.
>>244
I've never touched a tit in my life.
They tend to flee when approached, but if you are willing to work on the relationship and are patient enough, you can get them to seek out your hands on their own: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-bTVlgadg4
>>246
Nah me and my proggers stay titless like typing 80087355 and flipping the calculator upside down
I always wanted to completely lose it and go insane, hope it goes well for you.
🇮🇹 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗦𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗮𝗻 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘁 here, 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗱𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗲𝘅𝗾𝘂𝗶𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗦𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗣𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝘀𝘂𝗹𝗮, 𝗜𝘁𝗮𝗹𝘆.
https://sc.pixwox.com/p/p_6854234354185136412417_0_e2c9eeec522f581e32a6540d03910e2e.jpg
>>248 I'll let u know
244
it's nice, they're like big dogs
>>248
isolate yourself from everyone. lose all attachments. it'll happen. it's how I did it
Isolation usually improves my condition.
Spam? Spiced ham?
I prefer coffee.
How are you today, OP? When does summer vacation start?
my masturbator ran out of juice
>>255 whatcha abusing?
>>256 the internet
Are you still alive OP?
RUSSIAN OIL leads to WAR
https://youtu.be/Eo6w5R6Uo8Y?t=2094
>>254,258
nothing has improved. I've stopped resisting my fate. given up on trying to escape this. can't think of a way out. tired of trying
I'm not gonna kill myself. but I will destroy myself. there's no point of posting here since I've nothing new to add. it's the same old self-destruction
I'll die of deteriorating health in my 30s. late 20s if I'm lucky. I'll drop out of college and spend life alone in an apartment. 10-15% per year is good enough to subsist
that's the plan. I'll post if there are any changes. if not, goodbye, you know how my life will go
>>260
You can always drop out college. No need to do it on purpose. Try to graduate, it wouldn't hurt to do that.
spend life alone in an apartment
More likely you will spend life alone in the streets.
>>260
Wallowing in your own misery is a great way to pass the time. Just don't forget to regularly stretch.
>>261
why would I go on the streets? college hurts. I hate seeing people. they remind me of my loneliness. and caring about passing classes is pointless
>>262
I don't have a choice with the misery. it's permanent. and I'm stretching, it's not helping
>>263
It's not helping? Is it not making you more flexible, at least temporarily? It will have more permanent effects with practice. Make sure you regularly explore the whole body so you can find where your limitations are and focus on them.
One SPAM pizza pls
https://themargins.substack.com/p/doordash-and-pizza-arbitrage
I knew on-demand delivery was in a bad place, but I didn't realize it was such a clusterfuck.
The article floats the question of "how does delivery pizza work anyways" without answering it. Having delivered pizzas in the early 2000s, I feel like I can shed light on this: it's all about efficiency.
How many deliveries can a pizza driver do in an hour? The key here is that I would take out multiple orders at once, reducing downtime. It took ~10-15 minutes for driving/ringing doorbell, then another few minutes to get back to home base and reload. That all meant ~3-4 delivers/hour (and I was incentivized to go quickly, because the more deliveries I made, the more tips I got).
On top of that, suppose it's a Friday night. You've got multiple drivers, so you organize the deliveries so it's more efficient for each driver. Now you're almost guaranteed 4 deliveries/hour, which lets you guarantee breaking even.
At a 3-4 delivers/hour, charge a $2.50 surcharge and most of the time you've made the driver's minimum wage just through the surcharge alone.
Compare that to Door Dash, where a single person gets a single order. The driver has to spend time getting to the restaurant (whereas I'd already be sitting there, waiting to go out). They take a single order out to a house. Then they have to figure out where to drive next (eating time just distributing the work). It's horribly inefficient by comparison. The surcharge would have to be wildly high, and on top of that, you'd make way less on tips because you're simply delivering fewer times/hour.
I don't have a choice with the misery
this is false and deep down you know it to be true
it do be like dat doe
why would I go on the streets?
Because you will not have money to pay rent.
rent freeeeee
>>264
I stretch when during exceptional sadness. it doesn't change anything. my thoughts remain the same. and how does one test for flexibility? can't say if it's improved
>>266
I used to think happiness was possible with enough effort. it never happened. and now I've stopped trying. I don't care about being happy anymore. constant suffering is fine
>>268
money isn't an issue. unless the stock market tanks. but I think it'll be fine
money freeeeeee
How's it going? Still studying hard?
Need to reapply myself to the janitorial arts. on my mamma, seen.
>>272
no I stopped studying hard in 2017
today I went to the railroads. two trains went by, I didn't jump. I'll go again tomorrow
I need to think about why I didn't jump.
at the time I thought life wasn't so painful that it needed to end. it's shit, and there's no moments of happiness. and it's not going to improve. but I would rather this than die.
and that's still true. I *can* live, under the condition of being isolated from everyone
my uncle's in town and he called to meet and I gave him hand-wavey responses. then he called again, and I did the same. and then he didn't call again.
that felt like shit. but it would've been worse if I had met him. I don't wanna die. I wanna be left alone by everyone. dying is one way to achieve that, but there's other ways.
and I wanna be left alone despite my efforts to reach out. I want everyone to hate me.
just stop fucking replying
Next time bring a camera and take some pictures to share with us. Trains are marvels of engineering.
Trains are marvels of engineering.
Nothing will ever compare Scheme, the marvel of programming languages.
sell everything you own and go hop on a train at a service station and just seek freedom and love everywhere you can find it
The first thing I remember knowin'
Was a lonesome whistle blowin'
And a younger's dream of growin' up to ride
can someone confirm that u have to castrate pigs otherwise the meat will be disgusting?
your science hhomework for today is to take a shit and qallitatively describe the experience
It was "aight"
Mmmmmm
https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Trust-Your-Gut-Really-ebook/dp/B0983M7Z7H
Oh yes
dont sign up under satan, he gets you that cartoon villain dumb help as underlings
Muttley was not without his merits.
How are you doing today, OP?
Any news?
Guess with women now turning tomboys it comes full circlw that polygamy is still a benefit for lucky than any sort of charity
"God always prepared friends for you"
"Who is it"
"Go figur3"
What a helper
Even gods are desperate here
Guess the gods didnt manage to make robots here either... just really sad, squishy fucks desperate for heavens thattheir god withholds.
Not something that reality can solve i guess.
No wonder the opponents are weaker unassuming qafirs.... the irony of life itself.
>>287-291
You are not OP.
I'm a network administrator at a local school district, and I get some doozies.
Teacher: "My keyboard is broken."
Me: "What is it doing to make you think it's broken?"
Teacher: "When I go to type my password it doesn't type it right. No matter what I type, it's always a little star."
Me: "Yes, it is supposed to do that."
Teacher: "Well, how does it know if I get it right or wrong if it's always little stars!?"
Me: "It displays the asterisks so no one else can see your password."
Teacher: "That is stupid. I hate Bill Gates."
>>285
>>286
hey I'm OP. so I found Sanctioned Suicide. found a feasible way to die. placed the orders, they arrive next Friday. I don't think I won't do it, let's see what happens
>>294
Be sure to let us know how it goes.
>>294,295
Hey guys, reporting in from the afterlife.
It's weird to think in terms of "life" and "afterlife" now that I'm writing this.
More appropriate to this occasion would be "dream" and "dream-extension". Maybe cheatcodes? Spectator team.
What appeared to be dead-ends that led me here were actually rooms filled with everything if I only turned the lights on.
I hope you guys turn on the lights.
...What? Do I regret it?
You know asking that question to anyone is going to leave some dishonest shifting.
Well, I've decided I'm beaming back into a newborn in about 5 minutes.
Take that as you will.
In my infant self I will turn on the lights and live something magical.
Maybe you can see now why newborns cry when they're born.
>>296
If reincarnation happened it would be obvious.
>>297
it is easier to bamboozle than to debamboozle
Still alive?
This thread has peacefully ended.
