I hate seeing my reflection and seeing what I've become. I was thinking of going back to the hammer.
but then an important question occurred to me. "are you gonna do anything or is this another waste of time?"
I know standing here I won't be able to break a bone. I feel trapped. there's no exiting this, ever. it doesn't end. I have to live with this.
I think the pain of breaking a bone would distract me. it used to be the trickle of blood that distracted me. there's something mesmerising about watching blood leak.
too bad we live in a bullshit society that punishes people for cutting themselves.