well I failed to break a bone. that's the second thing I hate myself for.
I feel like if I had endured more suffering as a child, I would be more resilient today.
I know people who have broken bones and stuff, they seem resilient.
but nah my childhood made me a fucking coward. I don't want the courage to face life. I want the courage to die.
childhood suffering would've prepared me for both. but as things stand, I'm fucking worthless in every way.
the walk of shame returning the hammer, having dealt no serious damage. too worthless to not freak out over someone saying hi, too worthless to break a bone.