>>17
exactly it's not. must've been something else. or maybe we were never friends. hmph.
sure, I want them enjoy life. I want everyone to enjoy life.
but I don't how to enjoy life. nothing makes me happy. nothing interests me. I can't care about anything. except money. money interests me enough that I bother with it. other than that I spend all day going in circles.
I'm fat, and miserable about it. but not miserable enough to workout or eat healthy. I'd rather plan suicide than take care of myself. I don't see the point of caring for myself.
I used to care about myself. I did bodybuilding had abs and everything, ate healthy, worked hard. I was studying in Cambridge. but doing the "good" and "right" things didn't make me happy. all that perfection ended with suicide.
so now I've degenerated into not caring about anything. I'm equally miserable. but this lifestyle is more honest. I'm not hiding my inner misery with outward perfectionism. my life is in harmony with my mental state. there's something satisfying about that. I'm not lying to anyone (including myself) about how I feel.