an old friend reached out today. five years ago they didn't reply to a depressing email of mine. in that email I told them I was either gonna win the lottery or I was gonna die.
in a twist of fate I've done both. I'm not dead yet and failed to kill myself over the last five years. but I'm going to die soon, hopefully. I've been saying this for a long time but every year I've lost reasons to live and love. the only thing I've gained is money which is basically worthless.
after some apologies for not replying sooner their emails says
Where in the world are you now? Are you happy? What have you been up to?
Please reply so I know you're alive.
I wanna pretend that I'm dead now. I will be soon it'll just be easier to not respond. that's the more appropriate way to go.
if I start the conversation I'll find they're doing very well and they're happy and successful. and I'm a piece of shit. I've quite enough of that in my life as it is.
"but Anon you keep complaining about not having friends, now you're gonna ignore someone reaching out?"
okay first of all they're replying after 5 fucking years. I should be replying after 3 years at least.
second idk their motives. why would they reply after five years. I'm going to assume they feel bad about themselves and wanna check on an absolute failure to feel better.
yeah fuck that too dangerous. will reconsider replying in 2025.