one of my ex-friends plays football (the one who stopped talking after email spam). the football club sent an email about today's matches. they're playing today. I don't know if I should go watch.
I don't really care about football. and I'd have no business being there. I'm not welcome in that space. I'd be a loser being there just for them. I feel like going would make me a stalker.
all I'd see there is that they've moved on and they're happy. which would depress me. and I can't risk self-harming lest someone sees. seeing them would bring complicated emotions. anger, sadness, guilt, fear. I don't know if feeling all that is a good idea.