but all that is really only a symptom. the real problem is that nothing interests me. I think I might be depressed. I've no motivation to do anything. other than working with stocks. that's how I get money that's what interests me.
but I can't do that all day. boredom drives me insane. I can't bother with other commitments, I find it hard to pay attention in conversations. I don't like meeting people. my house is a mess. nobody visits me and I don't mind the mess. FUCK.
television is boring, videogames are boring. I'm seeing a doctor and have meds. I doubt they're doing anything. this couldn't possibly be any worse.
I lost a friend to spamming their inbox. might have been the worst mistake I've made. I've nobody I can be honest with anymore.
honesty leads to bad things happening.