>>272
no I stopped studying hard in 2017
today I went to the railroads. two trains went by, I didn't jump. I'll go again tomorrow
I need to think about why I didn't jump.
at the time I thought life wasn't so painful that it needed to end. it's shit, and there's no moments of happiness. and it's not going to improve. but I would rather this than die.
and that's still true. I *can* live, under the condition of being isolated from everyone
my uncle's in town and he called to meet and I gave him hand-wavey responses. then he called again, and I did the same. and then he didn't call again.
that felt like shit. but it would've been worse if I had met him. I don't wanna die. I wanna be left alone by everyone. dying is one way to achieve that, but there's other ways.
and I wanna be left alone despite my efforts to reach out. I want everyone to hate me.
just stop fucking replying