I wanna cry, or feel sadness. but I feel nothing. feeling nothing is painful. that sounds stupid idk how to explain it.
it's like I wanna rip out my skin, or lose a friend, or be treated badly. or otherwise cause pain or sadness. I don't wanna feel nothing. feeling nothing is unbearable.
I can't talk to anyone about this. they'll put me in the looney ward.
speaking of looney ward. I've been in a psychiatric hospital. for two months. I chose to go, it wasn't involuntary. I punched myself there, that was real pain. couldn't achieve that with the hammer today. I've become a coward.