Okay guys, so I like really need some help. Basically the head of the local mall gave me a letter of marque and told me to suck as many dicks as I could. He said that I wasn't just sucking dicks for the local mall, but for all the principles of our local mall, and that really appealed to me. Anyway I was forced to deep throat one too many times and I got throat chlamydia and lost my voice. The local head mall cop gave me a purple dildo of valor, but because my mission was top secret I'm not allowed to share it. I can't continue to serve with throat chlamydia and I'm not qualified for any other role. Now all I've got left is all the fucked up shit that happened to me over the last half to four years, and this useless dildo. I mean I still have pride in all obese chuds scooting over to the jelly-bean store, and trying all the flavors, while waiting for the electronic repair shop to fix their cracked phone screens, but shit man, what am I supposed to do now?