i like it when the paranoia levels out into high distortion with peaks outside the realm of normal human experience, into areas where logic mean nothing and what you're dealing with becomes mostly a sort of physical pain that cannot be intellectually grappled with. I love it when all I can do is cry out to God, because then I know in truth that He is that anchor for my soul.
Anonymity is a fine way forward for a young person, and I support your decision to transmute yourself of your dross.