>>1
[1/3]
My Gay Best Friend
arashi-enkou
Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Mamoru C./Darien S./Tuxedo Kamen & Rei H./Raye/Sailor Mars - Published: 10-15-08 - Complete - id:4598100
"Well," Mamoru looked over his raven haired companion, chuckling at her haggard appearance. "You look like you had a good night."
Rei grunted. There were dark bags beneath her eyes, her hair was a mess of black tangles on her head, and she gripped her cup of coffee like a life-line.
"Usagi slept over, didn't she?"
Another grunt, followed by a large swing of coffee.
"She snuggled," Rei spat out, twitching. She set down her coffee, wrung her hands. "Dude, she just got all over me." She began to wave her hands in the air. "And then, she totally grabbed my butt, I swear. When I asked her about it, she just-just-"
"Don't need to hear anymore," Mamoru said, smirking. "I don't think my innocent, virgin ears can handle it." He yelped as Rei shoved a fist into the flesh of his arm.
"Shove it, you moron," she snerked.
"Why, Rei, that was so abusive," Mamoru said, his tone laced with sarcastic pain. "I believe I'm going to file for a divorce."
"Sweet, that means I get half your shit." The miko took another gulp of coffee. "Bring out the lawyers, Chiba, I'll sign the papers."
"I'll get back to you on that. So," Mamoru looked down at Rei. "What happened next? Usagi started molesting you, you returned the favor, hot sex ensued-"
"Ah, ah, hold it," Rei held up a hand. "First off, Usagi was just high on something, I don't know what, and she just, y'know, grabbed my ass. Second, I did not return the favor and third, hot sex did not ensue. But damn," she closed her eyes with a dopey grin. "That would have been awesome."
"Bad Rei," Mamoru scolded, amused. "You don't have sex with Usagi unless I manage to hook up a couple of cameras and sell the tape on Ebay."
Another punch to his arm. "You're a fucking perv, Chiba."
"Hey, a man's got to eat somehow, right?" He rolled his eyes. "So what else? You said something about her looking at you...?"
"Oh!" Rei's arms shot up. "Right! She was so freaking looking at me with bedroom eyes." She tried to imitate the look, which had Mamoru snorting into his own cup of coffee at the picture. "I'm serious! And then Usagi, that bitch, was just all," Rei scrunched up her face. "'Nighty-night Rei-chan'!" She said in a high-pitched voice, which sounded like nails on a chalkboard. "'Sweet dreams'!"
Mamoru chortled, slumping on the counter. "Oh damn," he wheezed. "And, let me guess-"
"She gave me a good night kiss!" Rei sputtered, her arms wheeling about again. "And then it was like, how the boody hell am I supposed to sleep now with all this sexual tension we got goin' on here?"
"So what did you do?"
"Simple," Rei said. "I got out my Wii and Smash Bros. Brawl and beat the shit out of that chick in the blue body suit."
"Effective," Mamoru said flatly. "Supress sexual urges with mindless, videogame violence. Because that's healthy."
"Glad you see it my way." Rei crossed her arms and smirked. Mamoru rolled his eyes. "Plus, that snapshot thing you can do on the game? Totally helped."
"Hmm," Mamoru grunted, holding out his hand. "Gimme."