Meanwhile, your C programs shit themselves and start convulsing at the lightest touch
That is correct. C is a low-level language that requires precision and understanding of every aspect: one mistake and segfaults start rolling.
I don't give the slightest fuck that I've been forced into using C systems
This is because LISP/scheme cannot be used as basis for system language instead of C due their current 'strange limitations' and quirks that prevent popularity. There are way to fix that: FFIs, better syntax, inline assembler,etc.