Just recently I had a lot of weird drifts pile up, carried by the autumn winds. It seems that the compounded stress has been too much too much upon too much for me. I can't explain it reasonably, but I got some scary mail. It was serious. Then within a few hours darkness fell over me like a vortex of stroboscopic flame, howling.
I have some bad news. I suppose I have a serious degenerative medical condition that is starting to progress, which I certainly hope to somehow pull out of by some unknown means, but has not been looking good. The frothy bubbles in the beer are a frightening reminder of my mother's own slow and agonizing death from systemic organ failure. It takes a lot of character to look at the situation. I have courage, but then again there is the specter of doubt. There is no way I will be able to survive without, so it looks grim. I am stressed out.
As you may also know, my dear sweet Angelina Applesauce is in hospice care, which has been so hard to deal with. You know she is my best friend, and that I love her so much more than she'll ever know.
It is a hard life to love so hard, but in the end it's worth it.
I know you know how hard those sort of transitions can be. Life is too full of them. I mean how many completely magnificent people am I going to have to watch die? She is starting to get weak and short of breath, scared, nervous, and it's so hard to watch. She is comforted by her faith, but the final chapter does not always have a happy ending. She was always so spry and lively, and now the world is going to lose one of the finest people that I think it has ever known.
Did you know that the letters from her and my weird friend with the endearing smile were what kept me alive through some extremely hard times, my timeless cosmic friend? They're both really special kismet karma kaleidoscope companions. Funny, clever, brilliant. They mean a lot to me. When I had nothing and no one, they were the ones that were there for me.
It's been hard dealing with the prospects of losing them both. It has been such a cruel world. The earth is filled of poison, and the sky is made of iron.
My domestic situation is currently unraveling at the seams, and other options are not promising. I am hard pressed on every side. The staasi are upon me like bloodthirsty dogs of war, shivering jowls slavering for my blood on hot breath. There is typically no resistance to them.
I have a hard time imagining that I’ll ever be able to smile again without my old pals around, but having to face up to the difficulties of the seasons of our lives, and the natural rhythm cycles of eros and thanatos has been a solemn and hefty cross to bear.
Then again, the recent ebon hand death march drama, which is hard to navigate without my usual dynamic resources, was here with a welcomed postcard from Herbert (the tall one with the black beard) with some rather chilling news about my car car car insurance. I'm fast running out of options, the bills are piling up, and it's getting harder to laugh it off.
Then, that very same night, as if by some invisible hand penning the musical poetry of a stark tragedy, here comes chaos calamity a calling. I guess that I can surmise that with all the compounded stress there was triggered a hideously ill fated manic panic that has resulted in a nasty cold sweat battle to even maintain enough composure to barely survive the difficulties of daily life.
The others are surely noticing that I've been acting different lately, to say the least, and that my extremely fucked up life does not need the instability right now, and I mean that. I hang on by a horse hair, and for how long I can keep this up I do not know. It has been a true catastrophe, an apocalypse for one.
I have only yet gained enough footing to have only mildly recovered. I am strong, but cautious to assume that I will survive unscathed by fate. I must apologize for the lack of brevity in this missive, but no matter what I say, it will never feel like enough. I am so terribly sorry about this.