My Timeless Cosmic Friend,
Greetings in the name of the joy eternal and everlasting. I hope and pray this finds you well.
It is with a heavy heart that I come to you today to express my deepest regrets concerning my recent malfunction of normality. I am completely mortified by the unbelievable behavior exhibited during this most recent manic flight. If ever I had a regret, this would be it. For the life of me, even with all the dark things considered, miles deep and miles wide, call it what you will, I would have never intentionally done anything like I had knowing that it would have harmed you or caused you to be intentionally upset. I think my behavior historically reflects this to some great degree, if you will but consider it. I swear to you that it was not my idea for this to occur. It was in uncontrollable error.
I can only imagine that you will find little immediate consolation in this, but if anyone was to suffer and grieve over this unfortunate accident, I assure you that my own tear stained sorrows for this are far, far worse for me than for you by many, many fold.
I admit to the facts that I did and said some things that were completely out of character, and potentially even some that might have been traumatically upsetting and hurtful. Earnestly, it was not my intention. Please know that I never asked to be this way, and it has been time and time again the central tragedy of a hard and troubled life. The situation we have now suffered was far beyond my power to control, and for that I am overflowing past the brim with regret and shame.
Timeless, when you hurt, as much as you know that I care, please understand that it hurts me too. I don’t want to see you, or anyone else suffer. What I want is the best for everyone.
I suppose that we all have skeletons hanging in the closet at this point. Lord knows that I do. I hope we both have the wisdom to recognize that we all cast a shadow in the light of day. I would never do anything intentionally to hurt you, because I am simply better that. I am your brother, your servant, a shield, and a friend. And you would know for sure that as much as I can be, I have always been for you, and not against you.
Still, here I am drowning in the icy spiraling undertow of my guilt. I am so sincerely sorry. I am so sorry. Beyond all measurable measure, beyond all speakable truth. I hope to God somehow that you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I understand your consternation, however, and I am completely overcome with sympathy, because I do understand you see the world through different eyes than I do. I swear that I will make it up to you somehow, someday.
I fucked up. Holy shit. I know I did. I make no excuses for myself. I know I was wrong. I swear I couldn't help it! Holy fucking shit.
I don't even know where to begin. What do I do?