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This is a work of artistic fiction. A condensed form was considered, but for sake of expressing the emotive evoked by the originally inspired manuscripts, one of a jeweled fever dream, the original form has been kept. It represents an abstract letter of apology sent to an old friend due to a mistake in behavior that was made during a manic psychotic episode during November in the 2020’s. It is designed to be reminiscent of classics such as The Bell Jar, Nova Express, and Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.
It may help raise awareness of mental health to consider that mental illness effects nearly 6% of adults in the United States, and touches all our lives in one way or another, either directly or indirectly.
The form of the original document has been kept, but has been separated into several more readable parts.
What I would like to do, just to briefly discuss it with you, if you'd be so kind to read it, is to quietly and peacefully build a bridge over these troubled waters somehow. I know that as a network engineer, you're an important person in the company who is busy with an active professional life, and that for you that means lots of high priority tasks and meetings that require a lot of care and attention. I'm proud of you for it. What I would want for all of us is to do so well.
Any day you wake up, that you’ll see tomorrow is uncertain. If, somehow against all odds, it happens that I am going to be around for a while, I hope you will consider all the amazing advantages of finding some time in your schedule to communicate with me. Perhaps, if you're able, to maybe once a month or something catch up with me to to chop it up oldskool and have a snappy conversation about neurospiritual warfare technologies, or something that stirs the senses, something of the sort. You could teach me a new trick, or just talk shit like we used to.
Thank you for your consideration in this matter.
Regardless of the outcome of all this, I think you deserve to know that various sundry reasons that I am going to go be going dark for a little while. The only thing I think I'm going to do is very basic tasks and brief professional calls associated with my family's business, and that’s it. I don't know when I'll be back, all thins considered if ever, but probably by March, or around then. I’m not exactly sure, but I don’t want to be a part of this crazy situation any more that I am. I will, as a matter of common sense, respect your boundaries and be a gentleman, and hope that in time we will be able to move past this uncontrollable disaster, in friendship, loyalty, and peace. I care about you. Please stay in touch.
I'd like to also admit that if I haven't been as respectful as I'd ideally liked to have been in the last six months, which, perhaps in retrospective, it is only that because I thought that by adapting my cybersecurity response to a serious group of threat actors in the political dynamics systems near Roanoake, Virginia, that I would be able to maintain a positional advantage and gain tempo over my opponent. I guess it didn't work out.
It's a free country, but the data centers with Terralogic in Ontario were looking pretty good to me, and I was hoping to maybe get a certified job offer as a vetted helper or maybe do some networking in a new family dynamic. Something needed to change. In the end the snow and local crime were just too much for me, and I decided to go back to Nova Scotia, having learned a lot about myself and about Ontario that I never dreamed I'd know.
I really want to tell you something. It's something special. I guess I have thought about it for a while, but I wanted you to know. What I wanted you to know was that you are my special buddy who I care about a lot. You make me smile when I know you're around. You have a beautiful mind, and I care about the things you say. I consider myself blessed to have known you, and I am proud to have been your companion for a while. It has helped to strengthen and favorably define me in a lot of important ways. I am humbled at how much you care sometimes. Your own excellence was always an inspiration to me to seek and achieve, and for this I thank you. There have been plenty of hard nights of total darkness where the cold black waters of life were rising up past my head, and what gave me the strength I needed to fight the good fight was some little black cluster of inky little heartzies and the hope of one day seeing the sparkling eyes of the little prince
Realize that I do of course know that you're not really totally just all good, in case you were wondering if I were hypnotized or starstruck. I know enough, and can imagine some that you’re far too human, like all of us. I do want you to know that I have thought about it a lot, and truthfully you're not really totally all bad, either. What you are is a shifting dynamic interplay of good and bad, light and shadow, yin and yang- like everyone else. You are an incredible, beautiful person that the dazzling winter stars shine down on here, where the world spins around without ceasing, somewhere lost in vast endless space, sand even though you may very well have some regrets, you should take into consideration that you should always know that to myself, your family, and to so many others that you'll never even know it, I’m sure, that you are appreciated and thought of highly. You have touched a lot of lives for the better. You yourself are a miracle, worthy of dignity, fair treatment, and respect.
So yeah, respect. That's what's up.
And what do I say? You know me. I'd imagine that by now you know me pretty good, at this point. And I have some pretty good inklings about you, too. And although we are very different, anyone would know that we are also very similar, as well. Although I think we are on a different wavelength sometimes, I feel like our wavelengths are harmonious. I am grateful to be appreciated and accepted through the decades, and also very much grateful for a little microcosm jewel of good memories I have in my heart that I have earned with you as we traveled through this crazy universe together. I assure you that I have not, and will not ever take it for granted how cool you have been to me sometimes. I guess even with all things considered I am pretty impressed. I respect and admire you, and you’re a lot of fun to be around. It’s easy to care about you. I don't understand very well what it must have been like, the life you've lived, but somebody out here appreciates all the hard work and effort that went in to making you the individual you are today. I know it must have been really hard, more than anyone can understand, but I'm pretty sure it was worth it, because it made you you.
You have no idea the impact you had on my life.
Before I met you and went into IT, my trivial existence was one of endless drudgery and defeat. You helped give me the freedom I needed to be able to find myself, find direction, and even eventually find a family. That it no small thing, if you think about it. I wouldn't have the Jack of Clubs at all to dream about if not for the opportunities and on site training that you helped me with. Resources are hard to access without a little guidance sometimes. Thank you so much for being my friend. I won't ever forget you.
We are a tapestry without boundaries woven in the neural networked mycelium of the cyberdelic surreal. Since, what was it? Twenty years? Thirty years? We really have been through everything together, timeless. Do you remember a very long time ago in a land far away when I was a frogg prince, and, if I can go on feeling across the abstracted aethers, that there was told a bedtime story with all the open .mil relays and a silly little novelty .exe called "kablooey"? Was there a backdoor? I don't know if I'll know for sure, but I think I remember a friend seated on a golden throne above the glorious aquamarines, or emeralds, or pearls, and on and on. You get what I’m saying here. “Wow.”
Can you remember? We were so young! We *are* still so young! We still have so far to go, to learn, to live, and to grow- and I trust that the best is yet to come. There is no reason to give up hope, not yet. Not for either of us.
We used to spend all day across many recursive past lives chatting and laughing and cracking wise. I used to live for learning from you, serving and helping you, and of course annoying the living daylights out of you with my rambling on and on, just like this heartfelt letter of sincerest, sincerest apology.
I had slipped on a banana peel once, do you remember? Big old thing, like on that velvet underground album. I broke my radius and dislocated my ulna on my way back from Bangkok. Then wise old Mary Werner Braun started sending me all those get well cards with five dollars in them every now and then. Do you remember her? With the magic hat? I had been reading her short stories for a while, but hadn't actually met her until you introduced me.
I remembered how much I looked forward to it when she'd call me on the phone or send me some mail, and how it was like a desert rain when we'd talk and talk. It was the highlight of my day. I had all her pictures, there were a few of them in fact, all stashed safely in a little book. We were really grooving, and then suddenly the silver hammer came down, and I got sick with pneumonia and lost her email and had stolen almost everything I owned, then immediately after had to be relocated, and away into the machine I went, grist for the mill. What a world! Is there no mercy?
It was heartbreakingly sad losing touch. We used to get along so good. She was so delightfully strange, and sweet natured. I told her that I liked reading her books, and she said she was going to send them to me one page at a time if she had to, just so I could read them. Although those were among the darkest days of my life, it meant a lot to me that I had a friend out there.
I guess I lost my footing, and started to fall somehow in slow motion, somehow before I ever fell, and before it was all said and done, I really truly wasn't being the respectable gentleman I should have been with her, because my mind was racing from where I was drinking so hard back then. I was hallucinating pink elephants. She was pretty good to me, but you know what, timeless? I guess I didn't treat her the way a lady aught to be treated, realistically. I never got over it, even though she handled it like a champion and more or less brushed it off.
No one ever even visited or called except Mary Braun, and when she did, it was what gave me hope and strength to keep going, and was always the high point of my day, sometimes year. Sometimes it was so dark I couldn’t see anything of worth in my life at all besides. I know no words can convey something like what I’m trying to say, but if you’ll consider for a few minutes sometime what I’m saying, I think you’ll get the big picture in focus a little better about it. It was about all I had to look forward to at all, really, because until Angelina Applesauce and me were dating, she was the only one out of everyone, family, life long friends, everyone I worked with that wrote me for a very very long time. Years, and years, and years, and years went by languishing in an empty doldrum.
Then, well, I lost touch. And this is what happened.
Although she was gone, I prayed for Mary three times a day, once with every meal, every day that I was there the whole time I was away. You should total it up. I pray for her still, must have been the other day. I prayed for her from the heart. I used to howl and thrash and pray to God, over and over, again and again, year after year, in deserts so dry and valleys so low, to please, please, God, somehow please, please help me remember that address. I tried everything. My thoughts were stolen, my mind was a stained glass prism, shattered. She was my only friend that wasn't mixed up with such a rough crowd as I was in. My mind was full of tangled knots, and the closer I got, the further away it actually was. It was completely hopeless. I couldn't find it for anything, and I couldn't find anyone who could tell me where she was at, because I guess, as you know, she was always traveling. I guess this was during the cold war.
You wouldn't believe how I prayed and cried. If anyone knows how I missed her, it was God.
Because sure as the sun rises, one day she was back! I went to see an old country traveler about a dispute, and the man was able to look her up on fidonet and find her through her publisher. It was a real life miracle, a prayer answered against odds so completely insane that it was virtually impossible. I had never seen anything like it, and I’m used to the unusual. To say the least. I must have been the happiest man in the whole world. I'm sure I was. I must have nearly died from smiling. I'd never seen nothing like it, not to this day. I would read her missives when I was alone, and displaced, even when eventually everyone I had loved had turned their back on me and betrayed me, they were of no small comfort. They were one of my most valuable possessions.
But I never could tell, to be honest, what happened to me and Mary while I was away. I'd like to know some day, although it's not the details sometimes, but the big picture. It was never the same, not after we had been apart. Something was amiss. It didn’t feel right. It seems like she had her feelings hurt. Was it the distance? Did some one break her heart? I'll never know, but it never was the same after that. Never has been. I wish I knew. I hope she'll be ok. I trust that there’s a high purpose for every for all life, and that there is a right place for us all in the grand design.
I thought I had lost her for good, perhaps rightfully, but I guess I see her on facebook every now and then to talk about the weather underground.
I still think about her now and then. That was one cool motherfucker no matter what nobody says.
Open your eyes wide to read my words:
I speak not from the fragile weakness of a flawed character, but from the considerable experienced strength of a golden heart burnished and refined by the fires of hell. I say unto you, emphatically: please, don't give up on me just yet. Sometimes what people need the most is another chance. Let me prove it to you. Because in the end, a man always walks alone, but in truth he cannot do it by himself.
Let me explain.
In the afternoon the dog goes crazy, scratching and barking, lunging powerfully at the front door. He bares his teeth, indicating through rigorous display, that, like almost every day, the postman has arrived. And sometimes just when I had almost lost all hope of it, I get a little written postcard, with no specific return address, typically a small one with just a few sentences, sometimes less, letting me know that somewhere out there, my one special friend is still ok, still thinking of me, and still knows that I'm around, and sound, and down for whatever, come what may.
Love Amaranthine,
Anonymous
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Share youre favorite books
Carlos Castaneda's books, all of them, and of his mates. Everything else you may burn.
Boethius's The Consolation of Philosophy
Epictetus's Enchiridion
The Philokalia
The Pali Canon
Thomas à Kempis's The Imitation of Christ
Julius Jaynes's The Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind
Iain McGilChrist's The Master and his Emissary
philosophy is for retards and incels
Bible
Bible makes people total retards and laughing stock of the universe
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I can't keep count.
To summarize the Ukraine war: NATO cannot just annex Russia's nuclear black sea fleet without Russia reacting.
Chinaaaaaaaaaaaaa
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DgYFc8EO34
Russia is NATO's primary tool of indirect actions.
.
Disabled people can make disabled jokes.
It stands to reason that genocide victims can perpetrate genocides.
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this is where i shidd and fard
At a previous employer, I was asked to be part of the user acceptance testing of the new incident ticketing system which had been under development for about five years. Half of the team doing the testing immediately rejected the application because the part they used had gone from a two step process to something like six steps and having to flip back and forth between two screens as well as duplicating data entry. The part I was testing worked but again required the re-entry of data on two different screens,. However, due to 'security concerns', the new application had to be accessed over a secure connection using an RSA token and a VPN which made login take almost three minutes, and the latency when using the new application was about eight seconds per screen which made it completely unusable, so it was roundly lambasted as being unfit for purpose.
It was eventually fixed and rolled out, but that took nearly another two years and involved the complete removal of the requirement for using an RSA token and the VPN as well as other things to remove the latency and give it adequate performance.
viruses don't exist, government is faggot
Took bus to the end of the line. Walked east past the south end of the domain to Modern Art section of The Gallery. Then back across the park for pad thai at Chinatown. After that, back north to catch the bus.
>>6
viruses are the chatter of cellular life
viruses are the chatter of shills and soientists paid by government
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Lately I've been listening to a lot of Canterbury scene and jazz fusion. What about you?
Нежеголь - Копится ярость
Нежеголь - Копится ярость
Michael Bublé | Sway - Elizabeth Rose Bloodflame / Octavio
https://youtu.be/DWS3mO60O9Q
"Bang Bang"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmZ-ZYKudjs
"Bling Bang Bang Born"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2YpYUrLK4c
"Havana" (Mashup Edit/Duet Mix // Lyrics) - IRyS & Ouro Kronii
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=El6Vi476Xe0
"Mambo No. 5" | Lou Bega - Maid Mint / Nerissa Ravencroft
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5KyyoTm09A
Yeah Yeah Yeahs "Maps"
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=oIIxlgcuQRU
Catpower "Moonshiner"
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=3XEx_933kQ4
John Prine "Summer's End"
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=M1Lx5rTx8pg
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It's almost February but I still thought it might be nice to ask
>>14 I didn't want to say it.
My taste in music kind of sucks too.
Sleep.
>>11
I'm not sure if your a woman or just a child.
>>18
Guess?
Bohemian Rhapsody
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHzRa_X-7c8
Let's go; Just in!
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impignorate
transitive verb:
To pledge or pawn.
collaboration
noun
The act of working together; united labor.
The act of willingly cooperating with an enemy, especially an enemy nation occupying one's own country.
The act of collaborating.
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share stories
Do you/would you still beat off without looking any photos videos etc.?
What's your definition of "porn"?
>>74
Mostly nekkid nubile women
Is anyone willing to share his experience after the first 2 weeks of NNN this year?
shill, nobody cares about your nnn and quittings. go masturbate your globohomo overlords' dicks.
I gotta quit shit. I eat too much shit.
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/thread/
kan niet verstaan
go back to your twatch rooster
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Post all cool links you know
hot dogs in the fridge
pebble beach in the winter
the zora's domain as an adult in ocarina of time
>>2
What?
>>3
you asked for cool links